I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
