oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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