The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
