He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
