What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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