You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.