I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.