Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂