I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.