Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
My vagina just recognized that song.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.