When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.