im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
