She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
