So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
