So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
