On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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