This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
