I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize