a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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