Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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