You're so nebulous sometimes
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
