I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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