some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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