i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
