we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
