So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
