I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
