How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
