that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
