Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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