Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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