so explain again why im purple
no
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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