You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
