I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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