Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
