i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
