I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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