The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
