Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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