I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Randomize
