god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
