When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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