i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
