he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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