I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
