If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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