i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
