It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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