i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you would pick up someone in the library
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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