she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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