Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
