so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
