You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
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She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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