Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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