Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
