So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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