Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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