Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize