Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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