I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
