Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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