Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
