Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
