if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
