yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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