One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Girls should come with a carfax report
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
