I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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