mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
