I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize