If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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