Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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