So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Are we still banned from the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize