Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
