I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
