I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
